My life is fairly boring, as far as I'm concerned, and I mostly like it this way. I've been working on a perzine for 3+ years that will probably never come out because I don't have a lot to say about my life. Having weird standards about representation and production stylizations do not lend themselves to ever feeling satisfied about the work I do.
At the end of the film "Chasing Amy," the male protagonist, Holden, says, "[He] finally [has] something personal to say." Even though this context of this situation is entirely different than that movie, that statement echoes true for me right now.
I'm writing a zine about shitting my pants and all of the issues I have had with my stomach in the past few years. This subject is personal (for obvious reasons) and sharing my "most embarrassing moments" confessional-girl-zine-style is therapeutic the way that therapy is not. Also, I can work through my own emotional bullshit on my own; I am graced with a relatively uncomplicated life that is not hard to figure out.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
This weekend
Most people don't know this, but my grandmother is terminally sick. This past weekend I drove ten hours total to be home for less than 24 hours so I could see my mom and grandmother on Mother's Day. I was going home nearly every-other weekend for a few month stretch earlier this year. This is going to start happening again as my grandmother's health worsens.
No one close to me has ever died before, so I am not sure how I am going to handle this situation. I cannot predict my own actions, emotions, or reactions. Hopefully I can hang tough for my family. They don't have to see me deal with it out here.
Sometimes I think that I perpetuate the cycles that happen in my life. This may be a good thing or a bad thing; I'm just not sure.
My mom was diagnosed with cancer when I was about twelve or thirteen. She still deals with her cancer but it is managed fairly well. At twenty-five, I find myself falling into similar patterns. On Mother's day I bought a pack of cigarettes on the ride home, I bought and listened to the new HOLE album, and gave myself a psuedo-chelsea haircut in my bathroom after midnight. It might be safe to say that I didn't handle my life that night but I argue that if those are the worst things that happen, I still might be ahead.
The new HOLE album kind of sucks but as a super-fan, I can't avoid some of its charms. A review pending on my tumblr page, which is severely neglected.
In other news, I may have found an apartment.
No one close to me has ever died before, so I am not sure how I am going to handle this situation. I cannot predict my own actions, emotions, or reactions. Hopefully I can hang tough for my family. They don't have to see me deal with it out here.
Sometimes I think that I perpetuate the cycles that happen in my life. This may be a good thing or a bad thing; I'm just not sure.
My mom was diagnosed with cancer when I was about twelve or thirteen. She still deals with her cancer but it is managed fairly well. At twenty-five, I find myself falling into similar patterns. On Mother's day I bought a pack of cigarettes on the ride home, I bought and listened to the new HOLE album, and gave myself a psuedo-chelsea haircut in my bathroom after midnight. It might be safe to say that I didn't handle my life that night but I argue that if those are the worst things that happen, I still might be ahead.
The new HOLE album kind of sucks but as a super-fan, I can't avoid some of its charms. A review pending on my tumblr page, which is severely neglected.
In other news, I may have found an apartment.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Moving on up...
This week was such a blur for me, even though I stayed in on Friday and Saturday night.
My friend Sara is finalizing her preparations for her cross-country move to San Francisco. I was pretty much at her house every day for a week, hanging out with her while she packed, cleaned, and repaired her home (that she owns). As much as I wanted to see her, my secret priority was to spend time with her cats, both of whom I adore.
Earlier this week, the dude and I also decided that we will no longer be roommates once our lease is up at the end of July. We had been deliberating our decision back and forth for a few weeks and we both agree that this might be a good time for us to continue to date while living separately. Living together with a significant other is/was a new experience for both of us but the great experiment is coming to a close.
I've been in the same place for nearly four years now. This house will be tied with the house in Texas for the title of "Residence-I've-In-Lived-The-Longest." Four years in this house; eight years in Pittsburgh.
Needless to say, I have some anxieties about moving. I've only definitely known that I am living alone for four days and I've already arranged a viewing of an apartment for this week (and inquired about a few others). The lease doesn't end until the end of July, but I like to be ahead of the game.
The internet searches I have attempted have not been helpful in preparing me for what needs to happen before the move. Our current house also has to be put in "apartment-showing" shape in the next week. In order to do this, I have to get my shit together on my own.
Blogging my way through this experience/ordeal will hopefully help me keep my sanity (and keep my insanity away from my relationship).
My friend Sara is finalizing her preparations for her cross-country move to San Francisco. I was pretty much at her house every day for a week, hanging out with her while she packed, cleaned, and repaired her home (that she owns). As much as I wanted to see her, my secret priority was to spend time with her cats, both of whom I adore.
Earlier this week, the dude and I also decided that we will no longer be roommates once our lease is up at the end of July. We had been deliberating our decision back and forth for a few weeks and we both agree that this might be a good time for us to continue to date while living separately. Living together with a significant other is/was a new experience for both of us but the great experiment is coming to a close.
I've been in the same place for nearly four years now. This house will be tied with the house in Texas for the title of "Residence-I've-In-Lived-The-Longest." Four years in this house; eight years in Pittsburgh.
Needless to say, I have some anxieties about moving. I've only definitely known that I am living alone for four days and I've already arranged a viewing of an apartment for this week (and inquired about a few others). The lease doesn't end until the end of July, but I like to be ahead of the game.
The internet searches I have attempted have not been helpful in preparing me for what needs to happen before the move. Our current house also has to be put in "apartment-showing" shape in the next week. In order to do this, I have to get my shit together on my own.
Blogging my way through this experience/ordeal will hopefully help me keep my sanity (and keep my insanity away from my relationship).
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